Val! (loupguru) wrote,
Val!
loupguru

Ouch

You never appreciate what you have, right?

even tho we slacked a bit on our workout, i was liking the feeling of my body thinning up, firming up, some muscles just starting to be established. I was feeling more comfy in my skin. I felt my jogging becoming less difficult, some of the weight machines less challenging...  I saw my face looking thinner, younger even.

Then I got drunk, tripped on a carpet in Milwaukee, and got rug burn.
"idiot" I thought the next morning when we cleaned and bandaid'd it.
"stupid idiot" I thought the next day when it got a little swollen.
"holy fuck" the next morning i thought, when my eye was nearly swollen shut and pus was leaking from out the neosporin I'd put on the burn that had spread all around it.
"Time to see a doctor.. Now. Yesterday!"

Cellulitis.

Now my left eye is surrounded by red puffy swollen skin, which is even worse in the morning, like some strange alien or monster from a movie... and an odd yellowy/brownish/red scab has formed a crescent around the outside of my left eye from my cheekbone directly under my kelly-green pupil to my eyebrow.
A bad scab.
And I'm on antibiotics that I have to take 4x a day.
And I'm scared and that fear keeps changing...

Will the shape of my lower eye-lid change?  Will the entire thing change?
Will I get a blood infection? meningitis?
Will I die?
Will I have horrible scars?
Will I not look like me anymore?

I like my face. I am fond of it. It's *my face*!! And right now it itches and burns (yesterday it was more like stabbing pains) and all because I was an idiot and drank too much w/o realizing it, despite drinking less most of the time.

I can't keep my mind off it if I am not intensely focused on something else. Which is how i finished our stupid social psych class (save for the assignment) by mid-day today... The assignment is about applying specific lessons to making yourself likeable.. and I don't feel likeable.. I feel very unlikeable and in pain.

I look in the mirror 20 times a day. I have one with me.
I've taken loads of pictures... Pictures I'll post somewhere when "this gets back to normal" - you know.
Hoping that means in a week or two the swelling will be gone and what scabs do come and stay will have faded to hardly visible things... and not the terrible scars I've been seeing online.


Can someone just force-feed me and let me sleep for the next 9 days?  intravenous? I'll even accept gavage :P

I don't like being scared. Or superficial. But apparently I am - both.

-Val!
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