First of all it probably has something to do with the fact Theron and I worked out the past 2 days after taking 4 days off, so I am achy and that tends to put me in a negative mindset. But it is Friday and I *should* be happy, though I have been pretty emotional on and off the past week.
Saturday I woke up sick and was sick all morning, even not feeling too well that evening. (we had to go to a work BBQ for Theron's employees).
Sunday I felt better yet cried and cried b/c we can't (well we can but not go without using our ever-dwindling savings) take a trip to Europe in December... and really - can we afford a trip to Cali? And Europe in March?
I cried about money though I know we are better off than a lot of ppl. I cried and felt self-indulgent and it felt nice.
Then I got an email (on facebook mind you) from Belinda about how my 'comments' on her page 'aren't welcome' and they are 'embarrassing' out of Nowhere - so I tried to call her and she wasn't answering any of my calls so I was really pissed when I read all this on the way back from a decent trip to Costco.
I sent her an angry voice msg through regular email and flamed her a bit on facebook.
She responded on Monday so my anger continued, and I wound up pissing more ppl off (Karen b/c I mentioned Brenda, my sister a bit for posting at all). I drank too much wine that night. Lame.
Tuesday I did nothing.
Wednesday and Thursday we worked out. I've gotten no writing done to speak of on my book.
Last night Paul posted something regarding how he pays his grandma for rent, my sis stood up for him and one of his uncles we don't know told her to shut her mouth b/c she doesn't know what she's talking about. And she didn't defend me with the Belinda thing, just told me not to post my shit publicly.
At first I thought about not saying anything, but then I just hated that too b/c that's not me. So I said he should come down (from NC) if he thinks it's such a problem, that I don't know nor care about Paul's mom n gma, but if it were my mom - I'd get off my sanctimonious high horse and come help. And to not tell my sister to shut her mouth when he doesnt even know her.
Did she thank me? No. She told me to stop posting "vitriolic" things on facebook!!!
Talk about angry! yeah i got angry. Then justin roan said 'here comes a flame war.'
so I just deleted my posts.
Trying still to calm down.
Theron just told me an old lady (70s) they had to force into retirement b/c she was basically useless (and who they threw a party for and were nice to) came into his office just now and threw her badge and keys at him and stormed out angry. (Her last day) - when he'd found old pix of her and the team and was going to give them to her. My response? Security should have escorted her out.
People are pissing me off and ripping the edges of my already exhausted and tattered shreds of confidence and compassion.
I usually think of myself as an empathetic person with, yes, a temper for fighting furiously.
Being sore I'm sure doesn't help.... but what was my excuse for Sunday and Monday? Period ending and hurt feelings as sociopath Belinda again hurts me out of nowhere?
I am ALSO pissed that BK and I have still "20 friends in common" which means 20 ppl who were my friends added her (for the most part) and i want them to UNfriend her bc she's a bitch psycho!!!
I want to sit in quiet and comfort and work on my novel but i am not in a happy place and i DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO in the fucking story! I've read you need to try to get yourself in the mood of the story at that point but the mood of the story isn't hurt, rageful, and pissed-off right now.
FUCKing FUCK. Yes I cuss too much. Woe for all of you who deign to put up with me.
And no, vitriolic is not in my vocabulary.