Val! (loupguru) wrote,

just feeling down

We  never created anything.
Nothing lasts.
Nothing lasts forever.
We put on events that have been washed away like sandcastles.

We were, we really thought, going to try to do our 'Day in the Life of Food' Tv show. That would have been something, but we didnt do the necessary back ground research and I was neck deep in work in Chicago and you were far away in New York.
God we wanted to do that.

What can we create now? what can I make.
I just thought "I want to BE someone"
but thinking that doesn't change a damn thing.
And do I? want to be someone?

OR just get through this life?
and what's the point of that?

I Know I don't want to write articles about clipping coupons or comparing deals.

I dont want to just be an editro for a show - though I would do that now for hte money.

I don't want to live my life doing temp jobs.

I want to create soemthin otehr than lines on a webpage

I need a new web page

I need days where I accomplish tasks and feel good like the laundry dishes and whatnot the other day.

I need to exercise and be out - there is snow and sunshine.

I need to shower and should have done that hours ago.

I should not have slept till 9:30

I am alone or I am not alone.

I dont know if anything matters.

If i were some famous person somewhere on TV -that would not be what I was after.

Or a travel writer a fraction of people read.

The most important thing is doing something and having that something be something that you love.

you have o love.
to love your self
and what you are doing.

I have thrown myself into a frenzy because I have been a bad girl today.

Made myself a big breakfast and hunted for jobs and houses and didn't do the dishes or shower or even go into the snow.

And we want to buy a home? would it be a home? What would be the purpose - a hope to save money, a hope to have a 'foundation' for this life we are trying to live.
We had a good day together. we did.
we sledded and before that I tromped around.

we made too much dinner and played uno and the app of truth or dare. it was silly fun.

We need to do creative things together.

I need to create something

something is dying inside me.

Its possible at least

but there are no more fogs that lie in drains

There is sunshine today though, and thankfully tomorrow. there is always tomorrow.
At least that is what we hope.

If you cant create, sedate.
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