Current location:	Ma's house
Current mood:	sad

Doing the Laundry
I don't write. I know that. Because I wind up writing about how I don't write.
My friend John told me to write a list of 8 to 12 things that I would do/buy if I had no monetary concerns - things that would make me happy.
I did enjoy traveling Europe, so one would put down travel, but that alone does not bring happiness.
I would say getting a nice video camera, but that alone is not happiness.
You need to know how to use it. You need a crew. You need connections. You need distribution. And then would you be happy?
What about love? real love. The kind of love that inspires and you inspire and is all creative and motivating.
I started writing a list.
A list for discussion. A list for no real reason.
Last night I wrote a different list - of things to do when I get back to NYC.
Maybe kick boxing.
Maybe hang out at Per Se and try and write.
Maybe rollerblade more.
Take a class.
Start my 'Hobbies' project and other productions I'd like to do.
Get someone to look at my Avid as it is wonky now.
Lists.

Today I thought I would submit head shots to extra casting agencies as maybe that is the only way to talk to anyone on Law And Order and maybe if I just tried  again  maybe once they would talk to me. But I dont know.

What I know is that "Bad things happen to Good People" as my mom says.
That Jared's suicide destroyed all of us.... His mom most of all, we presume.
That she finally found love again. A boyfriend. They took trips.
And he just died.
That life spits in your face.
And it hurts and is hard.
And then what?
good to have love.
but the loss?

sigh
-Val!