Current location:	Ness's apt - Queens NY
Current mood:	calm

not that I have any true desire to write
and should be really attempting sleep.  Back in New York - Queens. Soon back in New Jersey. Came back to go to a wedding with Alex H. Was great to spend the time beforehand with Ness - was really sisterly bonding and fun. The weather was damp  - and then a downpour! But the sister bonding was nice. Her covering my heels with bandaids which were already blistered from the shoes I'd worn on the plane. Me trying to make sure her hems were straight. Her putting my hair in a neat up-do. Me shoving everything and then some into a big bag I bought. Her walking with me to the subway saying she was really glad I was there - the moments I live for.  It seems I say it alot but it remains true - A Ness happy with me makes me feel so much happier with myself and life. She even gave me a card when she got me from the airport saying how proud she was of me for finishing my screenplay :)
[For those of you who may not know - tho really I dont think too many ppl read this anymore - April was script frenzy challenge month and I finished my screenplay - it comes in at 199 pages so.. a wee bit long right now but just a first draft!:)]

So we got to the city, waited for Alex H to find us - as I was to be his date (unbeknownest to Justin, though they work side by side at Jet Blue) so when I first saw him I was - perplexed and not too happy but happy in general. The weather as I mentioned was not nice, so we tried forever to get a cab. Midtown - cab - rainy weather - never happens. Bad call.  We took one of those rip-you-off town car cabs up to the park and thanks to Justin's navigating, found the "alternate if raining" spot - tho there was no wedding party there!   we commented on the annoyance of walking in heels (my new $90 satin cream colored heels in the rain, water, mud, thin heel jabbing into the mud between bricks on the ground) - Ness in hers that were already killing her, and just how slow you walk in them!  And commenting no the beauty of the park in the rain - by the boathouse, Bethesda fountain, the grey hues and still lovely. Justin found the wedding party at spot #1 so we arrived just as everyone was clapping, the wedding ending. We took some photos - Justin took IMO a great one - of the bride and her groom walking. We made our way through the park to 72nd street, giving up and walking right through rivulets, Alex's jacket back entirely soaked, not sure to whine or laugh, worried about being cold, Justin's velvet jacket not doing much better.
Cab down to The Modern. Excellent service walking in the door - checking our things - being taken to the private room for the reception, seeing Ness so interested in this restaurant she'd not been to before (Thanks to Phil for taking me here a long time ago), grabbing a glass of champagne from a waiter as I walked into the room, Ness off to get her cosmo the way mom likes it, Alex off to get his... 7 & 7? I dont recall.  Scrumptious passed hors d'oeuvers while seated, macro photography and macro photography chatter, Alex's Manhattan and the story I have to recount about the time I ordered one a night out with Laura and not-so-successful dinner at Petrossian.
Katie coming in radiant, people noticing Alex's tie matched my dress. Laughing. Ness being social, Ness getting the bouquet as  always, 'There's something about a Martini', dinner with white and red wine, amazing pork tenderloin, saying I wasn't fond of the red and having a special temperanillo brought just for me!, speeches, the cutting of the cake, meeting new friends, did I mention drinks? and laughter? and attempts at dancing, as the drinks blur the night and photos cease being taken, as Vanessa commences to convince Katie's parents to accompany us to a bar downtown suggested by others. Taxi rides and Ness falls down (who knew) getting out of the cab - thanks to the unaccounted for weight of the centerpiece she was carrying. Alex feeding a jukebox money, picking songs, dancing, did-we-really-need-more-drinks? rushing outside to talk, rushing back inside, who even knows, things that are dangerous when you are drunk and your date is drunker, falling into a table and breaking glasses, deciding it might be time to leave.
The night is gone, and that is that, but it was fun in it's haziness.  Blur of existence, essence of haute cuisine and dive bar.

When I wrote my last place-holder update, I wanted to write (had been moved to write, had been moved by tears and passions but something else (as is often the case) came up - I had wanted to write about closure.
I had finally decided not to communicate with Joey anymore. I had received a text from him, which just spiraled into nothing save for me feeling shitty, crying, writing, and deciding I couldn't be his 'friend' or acquaintance any longer. The next evening he called - for no other reason than to ramble and say goodbye. So we did. We said "I love you" "I miss you" and "goodbye" with a promise from his lips to my ears that he won't try to contact me.  It was the way I felt. How can you move forward with your life when you are still holding onto this thread from you past - which is painful? I said "maybe we can be friends in a few years, you can call" he said "no no this is new york, it's not so small, we might run into each other." And well, it has been a fair amount of time hasn't it?
I know it needs to be more, but I digress.

Closure.

Also as in the past 6 1/2 years I have wondered what-ever-became of James - my last college boyfriend - and now, thanks to facebook, I know!  He's working on Friday Night Lights (not sure doing what), is in a relationship with his longtime friend Lorena, and seems happy.  I havent talked to him, but she and I interact, and how I feel about it is - I dont think I could feel happier. I feel glad for him. I feel glad for me. I feel glad to KNOW. Closure.

So closure is one step, to allow other doors to open.  My life right now is not so focused, and strange to say it has been such for half a year. And by choice, no less. I have turned down a few jobs now. I have wandered Europe. I have written a screenplay. I have played dress up with my friend in Chicago, I have dragged my Mom around on her birthday shopping for accessories for ME for a wedding to go to in NYC - which I woke up at 2:30AM to fly to - after taking her out for an expensive dinner b/c I whine and wanted to - and hope she enjoyed it (dad said she seemed to). My wonderful Mother, supporter of my life.
Saw old friends, met new ones. Texas.

And the wheel goes 'round - now back in the North East - plans to see new friends, and older ones. Hopes to start working more intensely on projects now.  Probably time to stop floating through life and start doing. Such a strange thing - life.
And all its permutations. Variables. Variations. and unknowns.

to the unknown. whatever it brings up. whatever it brings us. to excitement. to adventure. to life. and to love!

-Val!